Last reviewed: August 2026 | Reviewed by: Parent Coach Playbook Editorial

When a child says, “They are bullying me,” believe that something needs attention without deciding the label or outcome on the spot. Your first job is to understand what happened and whether the child is safe for the next practice.

Do not promise secrecy. Say, “I will only tell the people who need to help, and I will tell you before I do it when I can.”

Separate the label from the immediate need

Ask the child to describe one or two moments in their own words. Record the date, location, people present, what was said or done, and whether it has happened before.

Avoid repeated questioning. Do not ask the child to prove another child’s motive.

StopBullying.gov defines bullying as unwanted aggressive behavior involving a real or perceived power imbalance that is repeated or could be repeated. Its current guidance distinguishes that pattern from a disagreement between peers with no power imbalance, while noting that other aggressive behavior can still require adult attention.

That distinction changes the response, not whether you care. A mutual argument may call for conflict support. Repeated exclusion, threats, humiliation, or physical targeting calls for a safeguarding and conduct response.

If this sounds like a teammate dispute rather than targeting, the coach-facing guide to player conflict explains why mediation belongs only in the mutual-conflict lane.

Send facts through the safeguarding route

Find the program’s current code of conduct, reporting policy, and safeguarding contact. The coach may be the first contact, but should not be assumed to be the only or final contact.

Use a short written report that covers date, drill or location, what was said or done, whether it repeated, and what you need next.

Ask who owns the report, what immediate safety plan applies, and how you should send more information.

Use the child’s exact words only when needed. Do not send the report to the team chat.

Do not question other children yourself. Do not contact the other family before the program explains its process.

Ask for receipt and the next contact point. Do not demand private discipline details about another child or a guaranteed investigation timeline.

Make a plan for the next team contact

Before the next practice or game, confirm where your child checks in, which adult they can approach, how they can leave an unsafe interaction, and how you will be reached. If the program cannot provide a workable immediate plan, pause attendance while you escalate through its published route.

Tell the child what you reported and what will happen next in plain language. Do not ask them to confront the other child, gather evidence, or monitor whether the coach is doing enough.

At home, keep the door open without turning every ride into an interview. When she says everyone hates me offers a listening script; when your kid is the new kid covers ordinary belonging work outside a safeguarding report.

Escalate danger, abuse, and unresolved risk

Threats, assault, sexual conduct, adult misconduct, hazing, stalking, or suspected abuse are not routine playing-time or teammate issues. Use the program’s emergency and safeguarding policy, the facility or governing body’s reporting channel, and the appropriate local authority.

StopBullying.gov’s Get Help Now directs people to call 911 when a crime has occurred or someone faces immediate risk of harm, and to call or text 988 for suicide or mental-health crisis support. Those are United States resources; use the local emergency and crisis services where the child is located.

If the program is part of the U.S. Olympic and Paralympic Movement, the 2026 SafeSport Code defines that system’s jurisdiction and misconduct process. Do not assume SafeSport covers every youth team.

An adult response cannot promise a particular finding. It can document the report, protect the child from immediate exposure, use the correct channel, and keep escalating when the stated safety plan does not match the risk.

Sources reviewed