When your kid blames the coach. What to say.
What to say when your teenager is blaming the coach. The script that keeps the relationship with the coach intact while still hearing your kid out.
What they're feeling
- · Frustrated and looking for an explanation.
- · Wanting you to validate that the coach is wrong.
- · Possibly right about some things.
- · Maybe using the coach as a way to avoid looking at their own performance.
What to say (pick one)
- "I hear you. Tell me what happened."
- "What did the coach actually say?"
- "What's your plan for the next practice?"
Then stop talking.
What not to say
- "I think the coach has it out for you."
- "I'm going to call the coach and sort this out."
- "You're right. That's totally unfair."
The rule
Don't burn the coach. You only have one side and you need the relationship to work.
If they bring it up
- · Ask what part they can control.
- · If the complaint is specific and repeated, it may be worth a calm parent-coach conversation.
- · Help them think through how to talk to the coach themselves.
- · If there's a real problem, consistent favoritism or verbal abuse, that's a different conversation.
Pin this
When your kid blames the coach
- · Validate the feeling without validating every claim.
- · Help them figure out what they can do. Not what the coach did.
- · If it's serious, go through the right channel. Not the parking lot.
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