The drive to the field is twelve minutes long. For two seasons, we used those minutes to drill the lineup, the matchups, the play installed at Wednesday practice. Our kid in the back seat heard one thing: Don’t mess this up.

We didn’t mean to say that. We said something about footwork on the second batter. They heard pressure.

Then we figured out what works in that car, and it’s better than the old way.

What the drive is for

Three things, in this order. Ground them. Reduce stakes. Hand them their job.

Ground them. Smell that? They cut the grass. Or There’s the bagel place. The one we go to after. We are reminding them that the field is a real place in a real life, not the only place in the universe today.

Reduce stakes. If you go 0 for 4 today, we still get pizza. Said flatly, not as a bit. Kids carry the score sheet for us. We lift it off them before the first pitch.

Hand them their job. One sentence. Your job today is to talk to the catcher between innings. Not their job to win. Their job to do one specific thing that takes courage and is fully within their control.

What it sounds like

Soccer, age 8: Your job today is to call for the ball one time in the first half.

Lacrosse, age 11: Your job is to pick one teammate and tell them good play after their next mistake.

The pattern is the same. Specificity over praise. Presence over evaluation.

What we don’t do

We do not review last game. They lived it.

We do not run through the lineup unless they ask. The lineup is our job, not theirs. They don’t need our input. They need to be ready.

We do not talk about the other team. Most kids inflate the opponent in their head. Our job in the car is to shrink the opponent back to size, not give them a backstory.

The drive there is not strategy hour. Strategy hour was Wednesday at practice.

The handoff

When we pull into the lot, we end the conversation out loud. “OK. We’re here. I’m proud of you no matter what.” Then we say nothing for the walk to the dugout.

The silence is the work. They are now alone with their job. That’s what we wanted. That’s what twelve minutes of driving was for.